Heartache & Saying Goodbye (March 2017)

This is probably one of the hardest posts I have ever wrote, I have no idea were to begin to describe the past week our family has had. The pain we are going through or how much our world has changed so bare with me if your reading this because I have no idea how to write this but ill keep it brief and to the point.

On Saturday 4 March 2017 in the afternoon my husband and I watched as his mother passed away. She was terminally ill with Cancer, however it came as a shock to the family as we thought we had more time, she showed no signs of it being the end. Even that very morning on the day she died she was sitting up talking to people in the nursing home she was in. It was truly the hardest thing I have ever had to watch. It was quiet and peaceful and there was only my husband and I in the room when it happened.My husband was holding her hand by her bedside and it broke my heart when he fell to the floor crying.The doctor then came in and confirmed what we already knew. My father-in-law arrived after it happened, it all happened so fast and it was lucky that we ourselves even made it. I remember standing outside making calls when he arrived and he could tell from my face what had happened, he came over to me and I hugged him saying ‘am so sorry….shes gone’ as we both started crying.

We all sat round her bed for a few hours after while various people came in and out to check on us. Our minister came in, my father came in and some other family members but the rest of the day is mostly a blur now to be honest.When the undertakers arrived and we had to say goodbye it was so hard, how do you say goodbye to someone your never going to be with again.How do you let go. Watching my husband and his 87 year old father say goodbye broke my heart, after all that was his wife he had lost, i can’t imagine how he must have felt.

The next day we went and collected the kids from there grannys (my mum) and sat them down to tell them what had happened although by that I mean we told our 8 year old daughter as the toddler would have no clue whats going on. She took it well and had known that her granny was ill and in a nursing home for a while.

The funeral was held on Wednesday 8th March 2017. We chose not to bring the kids as it wasn’t really appropriate in our opinion and my husband didn’t want our kids to see him that badly upset because it would have upset them too. It truly was a hard day  for us all and I had felt sick with nervous as I was getting up to do the eulogy. I am glad say that i managed to read it all clearly without breaking down although a few time i was close, afterward when i walked back to my seat the whole room clapped with i wasn’t expecting so I like to think that my mother-in-law would be proud of me and hopefully i did her good.

Cancer is an awful disease and it has truly hurt our family watching as my husbands mother suffered with it for months. The only comfort we have now she is that she is in no more pain and she is no longer suffering. We all miss her dearly and will never forget the memories we have of her.

I wont be writing a family update this month as we need time together to come to terms with what has happened.

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